When you meet a person, and you hear what their thoughts are on: parenting, homeschooling or similar topics... what do you think of?

My thoughts are "show me your fruit". What I mean by that is, if a person has strong views on any subject, before you believe and blindly follow their advice, it would be wise to see if there is actual fruit. Anyone can say this or that is the right way to do things, but the proof is in the pudding.

I think it is dangerous to follow any other person’s program down to the letter... but we can and do learn from wise Christians who have produced good fruit.

Reading books and articles can be good and helpful. But don’t ever think that any one person has all the answers. Don’t follow without Biblical discernment.

When it comes to topics like homeschooling and parenting, the fruit should be quite clear. Look at the children! Someone with wild children and a million excuses as to why they are wild, is not someone to follow in this area. Maybe they have learned from their mistakes, maybe not. Maybe they have just found a market and are just trying to make a buck on telling others what to do through books, seminars and resources. Someone who can market well, is not necessarily someone who has parented well.

Are their children well mannered? Are they respectful? How do they relate to others? Are they able to carry on conversations with adults? Do they show joy?  Do they have a love and respect for others made in the similitude of God?   I am not saying that there should be perfection in the children, this is impossible because there is not perfection found in the parents. What I am saying, is that there should be evidence of fruit. There will be works where there is faith. There will be good fruit where the tree is good.

I’ve heard of speakers who have lost their children to the world, and are now marketing that as: "learn from our mistakes, don’t over-train them". Probably over-training was not the problem. We must train our children and that is done from following God’s word! There are instructions for us on how to live, what to avoid, what to pursue. The bible often explains to us the antithesis. We see the one side of the coin: what to stay away from, and the opposite side of the coin: what to actually be doing. When we take clear instruction and redefine it to fit our sin, we are perpetuating the sin in others.

The most important question of all is not in regard to the outward actions, but to the heart attitude. Do the children have a love for Jesus Christ and do they desire to live for Him and His glory? Again, there will be fruit when this is present. The fruit shows the condition of the tree.

The child will be helpful of his own initiating. The child will be remorseful when he has wronged another. The child will be repentant when he has sinned against God and others. The child will desire to please the Lord and his parents.

Do you remember Eddie Haskel on Leave it to Beaver ?  When Mr. or Mrs. Cleaver were present, he would pour on the manners (a bit strongly). He was trying to manipulate the adults and get them to believe he was a good influence on their children. But that was not really the case.

Doing something for show, or having trained monkeys who perform on command is not evidence of anything except that they can do tricks. Of course we should remind our children to put others first, and be a good example for the glory of Christ. But not to put on a show only when others are around. Their hearts must be for Christ, whether the parents are standing over them or not. Parents must be in prayer continually for their children. Not just believing they are fine because they are being raised in any given church meeting.

So who do you listen to? Who do you ask advice of? Who do you follow?

Scripture alone is our source for absolute truth, but if you are desiring fellowship and advice or encouragement from others, don’t look to the rich and famous... look for the fruit. Look to those whom you know well in the body of Christ. Take the time to get to know those in whom you see the fruit of their beliefs, teachings and life-style. Don’t always look for the lowest common denominator so you are never challenged in the way you parent. Look for those who will stimulate you to do a better job. But do so in a discerning way. Blindly following only leads you as far as the person leading goes. When they go off, so do the blind followers.

How can you know if a speaker or leader in any given sphere of teaching has their family in order or not? You can’t unless you live near them and are seeing them regularly. Even within the set up we have in this age of church meetings, it would be hard to know what is going on with a leader in his family. People attend each week, put on their happy Sunday face, and act as if they have the perfect life while having no real communion together with others during the week.  Do you SEE a love for one another in those you follow?  Do you SEE their family seeking after Christ and striving to obey His word?   If not, stop playing follow the leader, and teach your children that it is a dangerous game.